Cheating is the most scarlet of all flags

Building a relationship with a cheater is not just difficult—it’s statistically stacked against you. The effort required to restore trust is immense, and in most cases, it simply isn’t worth it.

Dating a cheater, whether they cheated on you or someone else, is more often than not setting yourself up for failure. Could it work out? Maybe, by some miracle. But the world is full of stories of those who swore they had changed, only to betray their partner again. The reality is harsh: they broke their commitment once, and the only thing that has changed is that they have already been forgiven. That forgiveness itself can embolden them, making it easier to justify another betrayal in the future. After all, if they were forgiven once, why not again?

It’s not just about whether you should take back a cheater—it’s about whether you should ever get attached to someone with a history of cheating in the first place. If someone has cheated before, whether in a past relationship or with you, they have already proven capable of crossing that line. While people can grow and change, the fact remains that they once justified betrayal, deceit, and selfishness. Why take the risk? No matter how charming, kind, or seemingly remorseful they appear, history has a way of repeating itself. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour, and ignoring that is inviting heartbreak.

I fully support rehabilitation for criminals—many steal or commit crimes because they feel they have no choice. Jean Valjean stole bread to feed his starving family. A desperate person might rob a store because they are trying to survive. But cheating? Cheating never stems from necessity. It is always a choice. If someone is unhappy in a relationship, they have an ethical and honourable option: they can end it. They can walk away. Instead, cheaters choose deception, prioritising their immediate desires over the pain they inflict.

Beyond that, a relationship is meant to be a place of trust. Without trust, what’s the point? If you hire an ex-convict, you might take extra precautions to ensure they don’t steal from you. After all, every scrupulous employer will guard against rogue agents regardless of their past track record. But in a romantic relationship, you shouldn’t have to constantly monitor and second-guess your partner. How do you relax around someone who has already proven capable of such betrayal? How do you avoid becoming paranoid or anxious, checking their messages, questioning their whereabouts, and wondering if they’re lying again?

Some people fall into the sunk-cost fallacy, thinking that because they have already invested time and love into the relationship, they should keep trying. But that’s a trap. The past cannot be undone, and dragging yourself through more pain just because you fear “wasting” what you had will only cost you more in the long run.

At the end of the day, it’s your perogative whether to take back a cheater or start a relationship with someone who has cheated before. But you have been warned.