The Contortions You May Face From a Cheater

“Oh, but I didn’t want to hurt you!”
This is a classic excuse, often uttered as if it absolves the cheater of their actions. But let’s be honest—if they truly didn’t want to hurt you, they wouldn’t have cheated in the first place. Cheating isn’t an accident; it’s a deliberate choice made at the expense of someone else’s trust and emotional well-being.

“It’s better you didn’t know. I was trying to protect you.”
This fallacy assumes that ignorance is bliss. In reality, secrecy is far from kind—it’s cruel. The truth has a way of surfacing eventually, and when it does, the betrayal cuts even deeper. If they cared about your feelings, they would have respected your boundaries instead of trampling on them under the guise of “protection”.

“Oh, but this is a grey area—you can’t be so black and white.”
Cheaters often try to blur moral lines, suggesting that infidelity exists in some ambiguous space where boundaries don’t matter. Yet, if they believed in such “grey areas,” why not be upfront about their actions? This excuse only highlights their unwillingness to take responsibility for their choices.

“It just happened.”
This is one of the most insulting contortions offered by cheaters. Cheating doesn’t “just happen.” It involves a series of conscious decisions—lying, planning, and ultimately betraying trust. This excuse downplays their accountability and insults your intelligence.

“I wasn’t getting what I needed from you.”
This excuse shifts blame onto the victim, implying that their partner’s shortcomings justified their betrayal. While relationships can have challenges, cheating isn’t a solution—it’s an avoidance of those challenges. Everyone faces difficulties in relationships; not everyone chooses infidelity as an escape route. Break up, or improve the relationship, these are the only two ethical choices. Choosing to unilaterally break monogamy and consent is the act only scum could do.

“I was drunk.”
Using alcohol as an excuse for cheating is another contortion aimed at dodging responsibility. While alcohol may impair judgment, it doesn’t erase accountability. Cheating under the influence is still cheating—it’s not an exemption from consequences. You would never get away with a crime by claiming intoxication, so cheating is definitely not one of them. The only exception is when your partner is intoxicated and unable to consent – which would make it sexual assault. In that case, the only way to exonerate your partner is to call the police. If they are unwilling to do so, well, you might want to question why.

“I didn’t think you’d find out.”
This admission reveals a complete disregard for the victim’s feelings. It suggests that the cheater was willing to betray as long as they could avoid detection—a selfish mindset that further underscores their lack of respect for their partner. Would they be happy to abuse your children if no one would ever know? Besides, it’s really a mix of arrogance and underestimating you to commit perfidy on the assumption that you would be too ingenuous to realise.

A Final Reflection

Cheaters often use these contortions to justify their actions or minimize the impact of their betrayal. But no matter how cleverly crafted these excuses may be, they cannot erase the pain caused by infidelity or absolve them of responsibility.

For those who have been betrayed: remember that these excuses are not reflections of your worth—they are reflections of the cheater’s inability to uphold respect and integrity in a relationship. You deserve honesty, loyalty, and love that doesn’t come with conditions or manipulations.

To those who cheat: consider this—every excuse you make only deepens the damage done to your partner and yourself. True growth comes from owning your actions and understanding their consequences.

Infidelity is never justified—not by excuses, not by circumstances, and certainly not by contortions.