Ever heard someone claim, “What happens at home stays at home” or insist, “He’d never cheat on me, I’m special!”? Let’s cut through the wishful thinking. Recent research reveals a hard truth: infidelity isn’t just a private slip-up, it’s a flashing neon sign pointing to deeper character flaws that seep into every corner of life, including the workplace. If you wouldn’t trust a known cheater to manage your finances or uphold the law, why gamble your heart on them?
The myth of compartmentalised behaviour
Many people believe that what happens in their personal relationships stays neatly contained, with no spillover into their work life or other areas. The modern workplace sometimes encourages us to believe we can be different people in different contexts. This common misconception assumes we can compartmentalise our ethics and character traits, applying different standards in different settings. However, both research and psychological understanding of human behaviour suggest otherwise.
We don’t live in a Severance-esque world where people maintain entirely separate personas between work and home. There’s no magic switch that turns us from ‘dodgy Dave at home’ into ‘Saint David at work’. The reality is far more integrated: character traits, ethical boundaries, and decision making patterns tend to remain consistent across all areas of our lives.
The myth that people can neatly separate their personal and professional selves crumbles under scrutiny. A landmark study by Griffin, Kruger, and Maturana (2019) analyzed over 11,000 professionals: Police officers, CEOs, financial advisors, and found that those who used marital infidelity websites like Ashley Madison were twice as likely to engage in workplace misconduct. Think insider trading, embezzlement, or falsifying records.
As the study’s co-author Samuel Kruger notes, “Infidelity is informative about expected professional conduct”. Translation: if they’ll betray a spouse, they’ll betray anyone—clients, colleagues, or you.
It’s worth noting that the study does not provide a deterministic outcome, and situations may differ based on the individual circumstances in which the infidelity occurred as well as the individual character traits. However, when someone makes repeated choices to violate trust in their personal relationships, these decisions both reflect and reinforce patterns of thinking about commitments, promises, and ethical boundaries. These cognitive patterns become habitual, making it more likely the person will apply similar reasoning in professional scenarios.
The human as a holistic unit
Workplace cheating, like romantic cheating, stems from a disregard for shared rules. A manager who inflates revenue figures to hit targets has already decided their goals outweigh honesty—a mindset that easily extends to relationships.
This perspective isn’t just about casting moral judgment but also understanding the integrated nature of human character. Of course, people are more complicated than a show trope villain. Being a cheater romantically doesn’t immediately mean someone’s plotting to embezzle the office biscuit fund. However, patterns of behaviour reveal tendencies in decision making that extend across contexts.
Research consistently shows that impulsive risk-takers (common among cheaters) are more likely to prioritise short-term gratification over long-term commitments—whether in stock trades or relationships.
Consider the “forbidden fruit” effect: workplace affairs thrive on secrecy and rule-breaking thrills. If someone derives excitement from betraying professional boundaries (e.g., flirting with a subordinate), that thrill-seeking doesn’t vanish at home. As marriage therapist Daniel Dashnaw warns, “Professional misconduct doubles the likelihood of marital infidelity”
A person who lacks moral fibre in personal relationships demonstrates a willingness to prioritise personal gratification over promises, commitments, and the wellbeing of others. This unscrupulous character doesn’t suddenly transform when they enter another setting. Rather, these traits permeate all aspects of decision making, from personal relationships to professional ethics.
“Once a cheater, always a cheater” is a well-known saying. “Once a cheater, everywhere a cheater”, should also be a heuristic worth considering. So, next time you’re hiring, voting, or choosing a romantic partner, it might be worth considering the whole person—habits, history, and all. After all, trust is a precious thing, and it rarely thrives in compartments.
So next time you’re tempted to believe “I’m different,” remember: cheaters don’t reform—they just find new audiences. After all, if they’ll risk their past love for a bit of thrill, what’s stopping them from risking your relationship, or your money?
Citations
- Griffin JM, Kruger S, Maturana G. Personal infidelity and professional conduct in 4 settings. Proc Natl Acad Sci U S A. 2019 Aug 13;116(33):16268-16273. doi: 10.1073/pnas.1905329116. Epub 2019 Jul 30. PMID: 31363051; PMCID: PMC6697898
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