Your heart shatters like glass against concrete when you discover the betrayal. But what follows cuts deeper into the initial wound: the mountain of paperwork, the endless phone calls, and the administrative nightmare left entirely on your shoulders while the cheater vanishes into thin air. The betrayed partner doesn’t just lose their relationship, they inherit a second job as an unwilling administrator.
It is such a curious trend that those who have cheated tend to be be almost agonisingly useless at dealing with the fallout. The same people who boldly pursued their selfish desires suddenly disappear when faced with the consequences of their actions.
I had to be the one to terminate the shared housing we had applied for and go through all the administrative rubbish. Maybe it was also an idiosyncratic trait, but I was also the one who sorted out most of the administrative work when applying. I was very happy to do all this paperwork when I was working towards getting on the property ladder, but having to unravel my dreams of a home while feeling the full emotional brunt was absolutely painful.
Many others who are betrayed in marriage report that the cheater often doesn’t seek to file for divorce, even though they unilaterally took action to destroy the foundations of trust. It’s baffling that they can be so remorselessly selfish, even after everything has been exposed. They hope you’ll crack under pressure and initiate the divorce, cancel the lease, or withdraw the joint applications. This calculated inaction allows them to rewrite history: “See? They’re the one who gave up on us.” Meanwhile, they’re off enjoying the company of their disgusting affair partner.
It’s almost like taking Grab (the private hire ubitiquous in Southeast Asia) rides just before surge pricing: You get the grab drivers circling around or staying in place, hoping that the rider will cancel the ride and free them up to take a passenger at a higher price. Only if the customer cancels can they then run to Grab and claim that it was the passenger who gave up first. Similarly, the cheaters want to suggest that their victim was the one who abandoned the relationship.
Unfortunately, it is what it is. C’est la vie. I wish it could be different but the fact is that you have to push through with this very bumpy stretch of life. I suppose it would be too much to expect a person selfish enough to cheat to consider remorse and settle the logistics at the least. Push through the pain and get these things done. It’ll be one of the first things you have to do without your partner, but you’ll soon realise that this is just the final hurdle before you reclaim your liberation. Each signature, though painful, severs another tie to the person who betrayed you. Think of these as stepping stones, that you have to get through. One signature at a time, one form at a time. Stepping stones that will get you away from the unworthy and leave the cheater alone in their own cesspool.