There are two sides to every story…
We have all heard this phrase, often trotted out to excuse bad behaviour or muddy the waters when someone has done wrong. But when it comes to infidelity, the idea of “two sides” rarely holds up.
Relationship Problems: Talk or walk away
Cheating is a betrayal of trust and rare is the case where it can be argued to have been necessary. While relationships can be complicated and imperfect, infidelity is never a moral solution. There is always the option to communicate honestly or to end the relationship before seeking intimacy elsewhere. Both choices allow everyone involved to make informed decisions about their own lives.
A comparison worth considering
Imagine relationships were like business contracts, which are far less personal. Even then, integrity is expected. If a company feels stuck in a bad deal, the right thing to do is renegotiate or pay the break clause and walk away. What would be unacceptable? Secretly shopping for better deals while continuing to profit from the current contract.
Relationships are built on far deeper foundations than business contracts: Love, trust, vulnerability and emotional intimacy. If dishonesty is despicable in business dealings, how much more so in relationships? Cheating romantically is not just a breach of trust; it strikes at the core of what makes a relationship meaningful.
Freedom as a justification
Some cheaters will use their liberty as an excuse. That they wanted to explore, and to curtail their cheating is to limit their freedom. This is a hollow claim, since you could apply this to any kind of malfeasance or crime. The law serves to curtail our freedom to rob, steal, or murder, because these infringe upon the freedom of others. Likewise, cheating deprives the victim of the autonomy of being in a committed relationship. Along with the very real physical harms of a venereal disease, this is pure selfishness thinly disguised as a noble quest for liberty. Such a justification is pure gaslighting, so don’t fall for it.
The rare case caveat
Some might argue that there are exceptional circumstances where cheating could be “understandable.” For instance, if someone feels trapped in a relationship they cannot leave due to fear of violence or retribution. But even in such dire situations, cheating does not solve the problem, rather, it complicates it further. Seeking help from law enforcement, support networks, or professional resources is far more effective than turning to an affair partner.
If the “coercion” is due to the loss of resources provided by the partner, this instead seems to smack of selfishness. For instance, a man who lives in a house owned by his partner might cheat and reason that he doesn’t want to lose his place of residence. This is not a case of coercion, but of self-interest. It is simply an attempt to enjoy the benefits of a relationship while betraying its most basic trust. In plain terms, it is having your cake and eating it too, and it is deeply unfair to the innocent partner.
Accountability always lies on the unfaithful side
There may be two sides to many stories in life, but infidelity is an indefensible behaviour. Regardless of how unhappy or disillusioned someone may feel in their relationship, being a moral person means confronting the issue directly – either by discussing it openly or by choosing to leave. A cheater bypasses these options entirely in a bid to maximise their utility at the expense of those who love them. If you have been betrayed, the responsibility is not yours to bear.
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