They Aren’t Jekyll and Hyde: Who They Really Are Underneath

When I first discovered I had been cheated on, my mind instinctively tried to compartmentalize. I wanted to believe that the woman I loved and the person who betrayed me were two entirely different people—like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It felt easier to think of her infidelity as some temporary lapse, an aberration that didn’t reflect the person I thought I knew.

But as time passed, I realized that this way of thinking only prolonged my pain. The truth—the hard truth—was that there wasn’t a “good side” and a “cheating side.” There wasn’t a separate person I had lost. The woman I loved and the woman who cheated were one and the same. Her actions weren’t some external force acting upon her; they were a reflection of her character, her choices, and her values.

What truly helped me begin to heal was understanding that the person I had fallen in love with was, in many ways, an illusion. It wasn’t that she had suddenly changed or become someone else—it was that the image I had of her was incomplete. The betrayal didn’t create a new version of her; it revealed parts of her that had always been there but were hidden from view.

This realization was painful but liberating. It allowed me to stop clinging to the idea of who I thought she was and start accepting the reality of who she truly is. It wasn’t about blaming myself for not seeing it sooner; it was about acknowledging that people are complex, and sometimes we see only what we want to see.

A Lesson in Letting Go

For anyone who has been cheated on, it’s natural to feel like you’ve lost someone you loved deeply. But perhaps what you’ve done is to pierce the illusion of who you thought they were. This isn’t your fault—it’s human to believe in the best version of someone we care about. It’s always painful to know the truth, but a far better outcome than to be continue to be deceived. However, healing begins when we stop trying to reconcile two conflicting versions of them and accept that their actions are part of who they are.

You get to choose how long you want to hate them – no one has a right to tell you that you have been mourning or raging for too long. This doesn’t mean you have to hate them or hold onto bitterness forever. It means recognizing that their choices don’t align with the love, respect, and trust you deserve in a relationship. And once you see them clearly for who they are—flaws and all—you can begin to let go of the pain they caused and make room for something better in your life.