Why Cheating is Abuse

Before I was cheated on, I didn’t think too much about it. Seeing politicians get embroiled in cheating scandals was a form of entertainment. It seemed like just another piece of gossip, a fleeting distraction from the more serious aspects of life. As such, I don’t blame those who have been lucky enough to have never faced such perfidy for not understanding the pain. However, I do hope to shed some light on why this betrayal is not just hurtful, but a form of abuse.

The Feeling of Being Betrayed

While other crimes—such as theft, murder, or arson—also have victims, the perpetrator can be a stranger. It’s easier to rationalize that there is a malicious person out there, someone who simply does not care about the consequences of their actions. But cheating is different. The person who betrays you is often someone you’ve built a life with, someone you’ve loved, trusted, and shared your vulnerabilities with. The trust you extended is repaid with deceit, and that is where the profound hurt comes from.

What makes cheating even more damaging is the way it directly challenges your perception of reality. You believed that your relationship was based on mutual respect and love, and then, suddenly, it all comes crashing down. You can’t help but question everything—whether the affection, the care, and the promises were real, or whether they were just part of a performance to conceal the betrayal. This type of trauma is not just about the relationship ending; it’s about the collapse of your trust in people and in yourself. It’s not just the end of a relationship—it feels like the end of an era of belief in human goodness.

It is one of the hardest things to rebuild, and often, this damage extends far beyond the relationship itself. It can affect your ability to trust others, even in non-romantic relationships, and that kind of erosion of faith can take years to recover from. While recovery is possible, the road to healing is often filled with doubt and pain that is unique to the act of infidelity.

The Realization That You Cannot Trust the Experiences You Had

The emotional devastation of infidelity runs deeper than the hurt of a breakup. It attacks the very core of your shared memories. Every joyful moment, every intimate conversation, every “I love you” now feels tainted. You can’t help but wonder: Was it real? Or was it all just a carefully constructed lie?

If your ex-partner had the ability to cheat and cover it up, how can you trust anything they ever said or did? When you thought you were building a life together, were they already planning their next betrayal? The question becomes not just about their actions, but about your own ability to discern truth from deception. In a sense, cheating shatters your ability to look back at your relationship and see it for what it truly was, because now, every moment is clouded with suspicion. It’s not just the act of cheating itself; it’s the persistent, lingering doubt about everything you thought was solid.

Your former partner might insist that their infidelity was a recent event, but how could you possibly trust their words? When someone is willing to lie about something as significant as cheating, it’s hard to believe anything they say. Every explanation feels like another attempt at manipulating the truth. This constant second-guessing of your own perceptions is a mental and emotional toll that doesn’t simply go away after the breakup.

Lack of Consent

Infidelity also brings with it a sense of violation that goes far beyond emotional betrayal. When you’re in a committed relationship, there is an unspoken agreement: the intimacy you share is exclusive, sacred, and based on mutual trust. To discover that your partner has broken that trust by engaging in sexual activity with someone else is not just emotionally painful—it feels like a violation of your body and your consent.

The act of intimacy becomes tainted. What was once a mutually enjoyable experience now feels as if it has been corrupted. Every time you reflect on the physical intimacy you once shared, it feels less like a shared connection and more like something that was manipulated or faked. In some ways, it feels as though your body was used without your knowledge or consent. What you thought was genuine affection and passion now feels like a performance, one that your partner was playing for the benefit of someone else. This feeling of violation can linger long after the relationship ends, and it may take significant time and self-reflection to even begin to process the emotional and psychological wounds left behind.

Risk of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)

One of the most dangerous consequences of infidelity is the potential for exposure to sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). When you enter into a monogamous relationship, there is often an assumption of sexual exclusivity, particularly if both partners were virgins or free from prior infections. This assumption, unfortunately, is shattered when infidelity comes to light. The risk of contracting an STD is no longer a hypothetical concern; it becomes a real threat, and that risk is entirely the result of your partner’s actions.

Cheating opens the door to the possibility of diseases being passed on to you without your knowledge or consent. While there are laws requiring the disclosure of HIV status prior to sexual activity, many other STDs do not carry such legal obligations. The emotional and physical toll of potentially contracting a disease is compounded by the betrayal itself. You now not only have to process the emotional trauma of the infidelity, but also face the physical consequences of your partner’s reckless behavior.

Mental Health Harms

The mental health consequences of infidelity are often underestimated but can be just as devastating as the physical or emotional pain. Studies have shown that infidelity can lead to symptoms similar to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), including anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, and flashbacks. These symptoms can persist for months or even years after the betrayal.

The emotional scars of being cheated on are not simply about the breakup; they are about the trauma of the deception and the violation of trust. Victims of infidelity may find themselves ruminating over every detail of the relationship, constantly replaying conversations and events, trying to make sense of what happened. This obsessive thinking can lead to anxiety, depression, and a profound sense of loss. The betrayal can also lead to feelings of shame or inadequacy, as the victim might begin to question their own worth or attractiveness. The mental health effects of infidelity are profound and can lead to long-term emotional struggles if not addressed with support or therapy.